One question that nagged at me on a daily basis was to “support up” or not. What do I mean by “support up”? Going to a support group, of course (I’ve been watching too much, “How I Met Your Mother”, “Suit up!”). I was always pretty happy and positive throughout my cancer journey and I feared support groups because pretty much everyone I have encountered had the worst attitude toward battling cancer. My opinion has always been misery feeds misery.
One day I wrote down the number and made the decision to go and be a positive beam of light in darkness. As I borded the elevator down to the car I had Grace in her stroller, my hair was a complete mess, pants falling off of me because I opted to continue to wear my pregnancy pants so my incision wasn’t rubbed, PICC line wire flopping everywhere and a ratty old sweatshirt. Basically I was a complete mess but I had a huge smile on my face. A woman borded the elevator with me and said “It’s not funny.” My reply was “What’s not funny?” She proceeded to tell me that cancer isn’t funny and I shouldn’t be smiling. At that point I realized that everyone deals with cancer differently and perhaps I shouldn’t show up to a support group expecting to be a beam of light. Instead I would try to be a beam of light through a blog where others can choose whether or not they would like to hear my journey.